I was sitting in my kitchen [in 2004] and saw CNN was covering the “allegation” that another girl had been drugged and assaulted by him, and I thought, surely this will all come out now, surely it’s happened all over the place. Then the district attorney issued a statement that it was still under investigation, but it seemed a “he said / she said” type of situation, as all sexual assault cases are. So I called and left a very substantial message, and I didn’t hear from them. I called the detectives, and didn’t hear from them either. All I wanted to do was back her up, so I called her lawyer, and they took my statement and listed me as a Jane Doe. Then, the media found me, and completely assaulted me.
A lawyer told me I would be crazy to come out after 20 years and accuse him. But I waited and waited to see who would back this girl up, and nobody else would. The Cosby team started smearing her, making her seem petty and loose and cheap.
I saw how nobody believed her. She had trusted him, and he had drugged her and then assaulted her, just like what happened to me. I saw that nobody was going to take him on, so I felt like it was my dutyto risk my neck;and stand [up] for all the other women who’ve been assaulted by him.
READ THE WHOLE DAMN THING. PAY PARTICULAR ATTENTION TO WHAT HAPPENED TO HER… And apparently Matt Lauer had a sexual harrassment lawsuit too.
The Guardian‘s website decided to have a rainbow “G” in its title during the past few days in order to support LGBT rights, and to thumb its nose at Russia (a few other news broadcasters/outlets did, too), just as Google did last week with its rainbow doodle. I’m sure they feel very pleased with themselves. But did they do anything symbolic in support of Nigerians, Ugandans, Malawians, Zambians when they needed support most, when the hate that US televangelists were funding throughout subsaharan Africa was coming to fruition, in tandem with opportunist political manoeuvres by savvy local politicians? Nope. These are powerful corporations. They can do a whole hell of a lot more than include pretty pictures and colours in “support” of causes (this sort of gesture is similar to other inane nonsense like buying red stuff to spread “awareness” of HIV and AIDS). Google and the Guardian: what about doing something substantial, like countering the monies that US evangelical churches siphon to African countries with funding for the LGBT communities in those key warzones?
Russia’s disgraceful treatment of LGBT people has also given US liberals a fake moral premise to take the piss out of Russia (see US internet passim – reporters have even started making stuff up to get hits). These are the same people who have nothing to say about the US’s own anti-LGBT laws, who are uncomfortable saying anything about how political prisoners like Chelsea Manning have been relegated to the rubbish heap of US history, while those whose actions she spoke up against remain quite free to receive my taxpayer dollars as part of their salaries/retirement. While companies with cute graphics project themselves as serious, sophisticated, ultra-modern advocates of LGBT rights (and don’t do “evil”), they are just old-fashioned nationalists who do nice things that don’t cost them politically or financially.
This just in: the Cold War is over, people. And anyway, that war was actually fought in Africa and South/S.East Asia all along. For all the morally superior US Google-liberals, over the weekend one of our readers posed a question for you: “Should other countries boycott if the US hosts an Olympics because of its drone program?”
IF I COULD BOLD EVERY WORD OF THIS I WOULD. IF I COULD MAKE EVERYONE READ THIS SEVENTEEN TIMES UNTIL IT SUNK IN, I WOULD.
By the way, the whole “reporters making shit up just to get hits” thing is really nota joke.
LGBT solidarity and awareness of oppression is great, but this endless hypocritical, worthless posturing, I can’t. Maybe Google and the Guardian doing those things actually helped LGBT people in the US/UK by giving them more recognition that their lives and issues matter? Maybe, IDK. If so, that’s the only benefit to come out of this, and the self-congratulatory bullshit is really starting to pile up from where I’m sitting.
When [an abusive man] tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself, I ask him why he didn’t do something even worse. For example, I might say, “You called her a fucking whore, you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room, and then you gave her a shove and she fell down. There she was at your feet where it would have been easy to kick her in the head. Now, you have just finished telling me that you were ‘totally out of control’ at that time, but you didn’t kick her. What stopped you?” And the client can always give me a reason. Here are some common explanations:
"I wouldn’t want to cause her a serious injury."
“I realized one of the children was watching.”
“I was afraid someone would call the police.”
“I could kill her if I did that.”
“The fight was getting loud, and I was afraid the neighbors would hear.”
And the most frequent response of all:
"Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”
The response that I almost never heard — I remember hearing it twice in the fifteen years — was: “I don’t know.”
These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients’ loss of control excuse. While a man is on an abusive rampage, verbally or physically, his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions: “Am I doing something that other people could find out about, so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel, gross, or violent?”
A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients: An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable. He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it, but he feels justified inside. I can’t remember a client ever having said to me: “There’s no way I can defend what I did. It was just totally wrong.” He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough. In short, an abuser’s core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.
I sometimes ask my clients the following question: “How many of you have ever felt angry enough at youer mother to get the urge to call her a bitch?” Typically half or more of the group members raise their hands. Then I ask, “How many of you have ever acted on that urge?” All the hands fly down, and the men cast appalled gazes on me, as if I had just asked whether they sell drugs outside elementary schools. So then I ask, “Well, why haven’t you?” The same answer shoots out from the men each time I do this exercise: “But you can’t treat your mother like that, no matter how angry you are! You just don’t do that!”
The unspoken remainder of this statement, which we can fill in for my clients, is: “But you can treat your wife or girlfriend like that, as long as you have a good enough reason. That’s different.” In other words, the abuser’s problem lies above all in his belief that controlling or abusing his female partner is justifiable….
”—Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via seebster)
“This was about ten years ago but I still think about it to this day. A close friend of mine tried to hide her pregnancy for a long time, as if it would just go away. I finally convinced her to see someone. She went to a place called CareNet, a place we had seen advertisements for in a local paper. It promised a free pregnancy test, sonograms, and reproductive option counseling. She was wooden by the time she went and was most likely completely separated from her pregnancy. So despite the propaganda videos, the pamphlets, and pressure from the center’s staff, she decided she wanted to have an abortion. They told her that there was a week-long waiting period that she had to go through to be sure she really wanted it. She went back a week later still set on having the procedure. The receptionist said, “I’m sorry, I seem to have lost record of your appointment. Come back in four days when the doctor will be here next.” When she went back in four days, they told her the doctor was sick. I told her it seemed sketchy and that she should go to a Planned Parenthood clinic. The nearest one was 45 miles away. Because of her work schedule, she was only able to go five days after that. When she arrived at the clinic they told her she was 17 weeks along. In our state you can only have an abortion up to 16 weeks unless it’s an emergency … She was forced to carry to term and give the baby up for adoption.”—
This is what Crisis Pregnancy Centers do. Their agenda is to prevent as many people as possible from having abortions by any means necessary. They do not care about your health, wishes, or well-being. All they care about is taking away your reproductive choices. They are usually religiously affiliated, deeply misogynistic, and they will lie to you. They do not want to help you. They want to control you.
Let’s just look at this hypothetically. A “right to life” scenario.
Let’s pretend a fetus is granted personhood. And that people had rights over others bodies. It isn’t likely that if they’re giving people rights over someone else’s bodies that it would just extend ONLY to fetus.
Sentient people would be carted off and cataloged, blood type, tissue samples, marrow information. If someone comes up on the UNOS list that needs a part that you specifically can give them that won’t outright kill you, you have to give it. There is no question. You have no excuses. You are mandated by law to give it to them.
If you pass away after an accident or some malfunction of your body, it does not matter if your religious beliefs say you aren’t to donate anything because you will “rise bodily” and need to remain intact as per some religions beliefs. Your heart, heart valves, lungs, liver, kidneys, corneas, pancreas, intestines, skin, tendons, femoral and saphenous veins, among others.. would be taken out. Whether you wanted them to or not. There would be no more optional “organ donation”. There would be “organ retrieval.”
Surgeries that you had to undergo would come with no paid leave. It would just be expected of you. You had to find funding yourself. You got no compensation whatsoever. It was literally what would be expected of you so there would be no special pats on the back. If you were called in to give bone marrow, you could be out from work 1 day or up to a week, with no complications. If you get called in to donate a kidney, you will be out for between 6-8 weeks, with no complications. No paid time off at all.
Because if you declare a fetus a person, they will have those rights.. rights over someone else’s body. And then since there will be no legal distinction between sentient people and the fetuses.. sentient people will also have the right to make use of someone’s body against their will. You would have no option but to give whatever you can while you’re alive. Why? Someone’s right to life superseded your rights to your body.
once one of my straight male friends who has a significant amount of sex asked me ‘when two girls do it how do you know when you’re finished’ and to this day thats one of the saddest things ive ever heard
“While wearing their pretty dresses, they ruined lives. If we’re going to talk about slavery and the people that upheld it, we should talk about everyone… we must take accountability and not hide behind the gentle stereotypes that present day feminists struggle against: women are fully capable of committing acts of savagery, fully able to dehumanize other human beings… The privileges white supremacy afforded were not handed only to men: women accepted (and accept) those benefits that provide them status and wealth.”—Olivia A. Cole, While Wearing Their Pretty Dresses, They Ruined Lives: 12 Years A Slave & the Role of White Women in Slavery (via radtransfem)
With the upcoming fourth season of A Game of Thrones about to hit TV screens, you will soon see ‘If you like reading GRR Martin, why not try these authors?’ displays going up in bookshops. I will give a book of mine, of their choice, to the first person who can send me a photo of such a display that isn’t entirely composed of male authors. Because I’ve yet to see one. I have challenged staff in bookshops about this, to be told ‘women don’t write epic fantasy’ Ahem, with 15 novels published, I beg to differ. And we read it too.
But that’s not what the onlooker sees in the media, in reviews, in the supposedly book-trade-professional articles in The Guardian which repeatedly discuss epic fantasy without ever once mentioning a female author. That onlooker who’s working in a bookshop and making key decisions about what’s for sale, sees a male readership for grimdark books about blokes in cloaks written by authors like Macho McHackenslay. So that’s what goes in display, often at discount, at the front of the store. So that’s what people see first and so that’s what sells most copies.
“Congress rails about waste, until the Pentagon comes up with legitimate savings that require congressional statesmanship," another Insider said. "At which point, Congress goes silent.”—The Pentagon wants to close unnecessary bases, but Congress won’t let them. It’s time for Congress to change its mind, according to a new poll from National Journal. (via govtoversight)
We don’t need an Empire either. Can get rid of all kinds of overseas bases.
Say hello. Say “nice game.” Perhaps give him a compliment on a tackle, or a catch, or a great run. Maybe throw in a high-five or, if that is too uncomfortable for you (it shouldn’t be), give any another indication that you’re happy he’s on your team, even if he plays for a different team off the field.
Step 2: Acknowledge that he’s human
Ask a question about his life. How’s his family? His partner? Talk about shared interests (Yes! You likely have shared interests with this homosexual human!) If you don’t know what this person likes, ask. Or talk about the weather! Or Beyoncé! Not because he’s gay, but because everyone, gay straight, male or female, Madagascan village elders or Inuit whale hunters, has something to say about Beyoncé. She’s the universal conversation starter.
Step 3: Get undressed
Because you just spent two hours playing in the mud and dirt, and it’s a locker room and you’re an adult — and get over yourself and seriously — you have to change out of your uniform. You smell like shit.
Step 4: Realize at this point, you’re looking at your gay teammate more than he’s looking at you
Why is he not looking at you? You’re attractive! You work out! Are you not his type? Maybe he’s only into punters. Oh my God, it’s almost as if your teammate is concentrating on getting cleaned up and getting home to his life, just like you were supposed to be before you got preoccupied with checking him out to see if he’s checking you out.
Step 5: Do your usual stealth glances of other naked teammates
Because straight men size each other up all the time in locker rooms. But it’s from a place of competition, which is far more acceptable for some reason. Bros bein’ bros, etc.
Step 6: Realize at this point, you’re being paid millions of dollars to exist on this team with this gay person, so you’ll survive somehow
At the absolute worst, this teammate finds you attractive and has a moment of weakness and lets one little glance slip that you catch, and you notice because you’re (of course) already staring at him. Now you know how the thousands upon thousands of breasts you’ve stared at slack-jawed in your lifetime feel. Congratulations, Margaret, you’ve just become a woman!
Step 7: Count the number of half-naked teammates around you and divide by 10
That’s how many actually are gay, whether they’ve stated it publicly or not. And they’ve been there all along, since you started playing football in high school, and somehow you’re still alive and unscathed and making millions of dollars.
Step 8: Shower
Because, again, you smell. If your gay teammate is showering at the same time, kudos to you for noticing he walked into the showers. Why are you watching him so closely, anyway? Seriously, are you cruising him?
Step 9: Dress, go home
And play with the piles of money you’ve earned from somehow being brave and manly enough to put on skin-tight capri pants, a jock strap and give other grown men really aggressive hugs and wrestle them to the ground.
“Ellen Page said she’d been scared to reveal her truth, and in response way too many people responded with, ”In other news, the sky is blue.” The fact that so many felt comfortable being that rude to someone who’d just publicly shared a private struggle speaks volumes about how important they consider the issues of gay women to be. We should be wary of these people. People like them are why so many believe this country is post-racial or post-feminist when this country is racist as fuck and hates women.”—From A Tale Of Two Ellens | Autostraddle (via exceedinglytoosmall)
I LOVE Spring Awakening! I have a soft spot in my heart for basically all musicals (I played Ms, Hannigan in Annie as a kid and I’m told I stole the show), but Spring Awakening’s soundtrack really speaks to me.
What are you and HRSF fighting about? Sorry, I am (and probably a lot of other people) just emotionally invested in this already
Just the same old crap. He treats me like an employee, so I get mean and snarky, and he doesn’t deal well with that (and that’s fair, I could handle my anger better), so he avoids me and ignores my messages, so I get angrier and meaner, and it’s a vicious cycle.
Of course, we only address it when it’s convenient for him, which further pisses me off.
He at one point suggested that we stop working together so we could go back to being friends, and I had to resist the urge to tell him we were hardly friends before (friendly, sure - but I can depend on my friends when I’m in crisis, and he’s proven that I can’t depend on him) and I’d rather lose that than the show.
So yeah. He said he’d treat me better if I stopped snarking at him, which I don’t think will happen but we’ll give it the old college try anyway.
[sorry I can’t tag this on the mobile app - but #unquality blogging and #hrsf]
So while it is true that the prevalence of obesity in two to five year olds declined by an estimated 39.6 percent between 2003-04 and 2011-12, from 13.9 percent to 8.4 percent, it is also true that, according to the same NHANES data, it declined by 23 percent between 2003-04 and 2005-06, and then rose by 19.8 percent between 2007-08 and 2009-10.
The most plausible explanation for these large oscillations can be found in the definition of “childhood obesity” itself. “Childhood obesity” is a brand-new concept, invented a few years ago for essentially political reasons. The official definition is that children who are at or above what was the ninety-fifth percentile of BMI for age in growth charts from the 1960s and 1970s are now classified as “obese.”
It is important to understand two things about this definition. First, it is quite literally arbitrary: it isn’t based on any epidemiological observation that this or that bad outcome is seen among children who are above this particular definitional cut point. Public health authorities needed a definition for their crusade against a newly invented menace, so they made one up.
“While evolutionary psychology suggests that women pass on casual sex due to an inherent lack of sexual desire, Conley says there’s an entirely different reason. She posits that women say “thanks, but no thanks” for fear of being judged. She also says that women have serious reservations about whether a one-night stand would be enjoyable with a new partner. She tries to explain to men, “The reason women are turning you down for casual sex seems to be that, for one thing, a lot of you are calling them sluts afterward.” Also, “A lot of you aren’t bothering to try to be good in bed.” Preach.”—
You know why women often say “nothing’s wrong” when something is definitely bothering them
It’s because men have been belittling, minimizing and mocking our emotions forever
And we are socialized to be as passive and undemanding and selfless as possible, and not to run any risk of bothering or angering a man lest he abandon or hurt us It’s not passive aggression, it is fear
At the beginning of A Game of Thrones, Sansa is a young, lovelorn girl fawning over Prince Joffrey. She believes in the social contract. Moreover, she wants to be a princess. As the narrative progresses, she finds her dreams dashed by increasingly horrifying circumstance and becomes trapped in a system she must learn to manipulate quickly in order to survive.
However, despite Sansa starting from a place of such naiveté and immaturity giving her room to grow into one of the more interesting characters in the series, she more often is shit on, because teenage girls with teenage girl-emotions are for shitting on. God forbid young girl characters start from a place of immaturity (in this case, falling in love with the first guy she sees) and then growing from there. Oh, no, they must spring forth from the thigh of Zeus, fully formed Strong Independent Women, guns blazing and kung fu fighting!
“You beat a woman and drag her down a flight of stairs, pulling her hair out by the roots? You’re the fourth guy taken in the NFL draft. You kill people while driving drunk? That guy’s welcome. Players caught in hotel rooms with illegal drugs and prostitutes? We know they’re welcome. Players accused of rape and pay the woman to go away? You lie to police, trying to cover up a murder? We’re comfortable with that. You love another man? Well, now you’ve gone too far!”—Sports anchor Dale Hansen forABC local affiliate WFAA in Dallas. Whoa. (via gaywrites)
Think about the first name you were ever called,
and then think how long it took until
you got called a pussy
or a slut,
or a bitch,
or a whore,
all of which are words that fall too close to ‘girl.’
Think about the first time you got called a ‘girl’
and they said it with a sneer.
Like it was a bad thing.
For a boy, it is the lowest degradation to get called a girl.
For a girl, it is the lowest degradation to get called a girl.
Remember, black widow spiders and female praying mantises eat their partners after intercourse.
Remember, it’s the lionesses who hunt.
They come back with bloody muzzles, dragging bloated carcasses as the alpha lion strides around with his mane puffing out.
Remember, it’s only the female mosquitoes who drink blood.
We’re the ones who do the necessary work, dirty our hands,
fuck or fight or both.
We’re often the smaller sex, which makes us a harder target
as we slink close and sink our teeth in.